I know it's gonna be tiring but I'm glad he came up with it (although I feel guilty because I should be studying for my exams... sigh)
I have this strange stupid sef-defens plug that works when something or somebody that matters to me is hurting me and going on and on... When that happens I just become numb and I break completely with the feeling... I become detached. Sometimes it's a good thing, if I wouldn't had this plug in high school I think I would have killed all those bullies, but this way I was inmune to their mocking. But NOW I was beginning to fell detached of Julian. Of course it's completely my fault, if we can't see each other because of exams or jobs or simply RL I shouldn't take it so seriously... but it was making me suffer... so the plug began to work and I began to be used to not seeing him... to not *care* if I can see him or not!! and that's FRIGHTENING!!! I don't WANT to fall out of love for a stupid little thing like that!!
The good thing is that even if I'm feeling numb, I just have to spend five minutes with him and all my doubs dissapear and I feel stupid for ever having them!! Maybe I think too much about this relationship because I'm TOO in love with Julian and that scares me to death... really, if he goes away right now I don't know what would become of me, even if it sounds corny, I can't imagine the rest of my life without him by my side. And YES I'm aware I'm such a drama queen, but that's what I feel!!)
Well, changing subjects I was looking for my daily fic dose when I noticed that soundczech and rhihero_fic have befriended me and I began to dance!! YAY!!! thank you very much guys!! But then I read something about an hate meme that I didn't know about (and that I can't read because now it's locked) and I don't really know what is it about but it sounds like a flame war to me, and I've seen too many ML disappear or sweet people go away because of things like that. Really, flamming is not worth it. And taking flames seriosly is even worse. I always thought that if you don't have anything good to say or at least anything constructive, it's better to keep your mouth shut. If you don't like this fic or that author or you think that style of writting is boring, just skip it!! I mean, I always thought that internet is this kind of tieless environment where everybody can express themselves freely. I have this livejournal so I can ramble all I want and if an author is writting a story is because they NEED it!! it's they way to get out whatever it's in their minds, to take out the stress and be able to keep on moving... and who the hell are WE to take that from THEM??? I'm not saying that critics are bad, just the contrary (when I write something I want the people around me to tell my errors so I can get better and I love it when they do) but flamming and counter-flamming... geez... it's pointless. An endless circle. So if someday I see on the net something insulting about me I'll do what I do in RL: Ignore it!! It's my life and I do what I want to do with my head high. And if I fail and fall down it will be because of my own decissions, and I'll take my responsability for it, but you can't let other people rule your life.
Although I'm mostly a lurker so I don't know If I have the right to opine on this matter ^^;;;;
By the way, I just read two AMAZING fics!! the first one a G/R fic by rhiannonhero called 'Rubber Duckie' and the other a B/J called 'Stockholm Syndrome' by soundczech/starla. They are both SO good!! with that angst aura around them... and what can I say.. I'm and angst-sucker... I can't wait for them to write more wonderful fics!!
In fact I discovered RP fics thanks to this two authors and now I can't decide which one of the two pairings I like most, the actors or the characters? I'm currently stuck in both... I've read more Brian&Justin fics then Gale&Randy fics of course, but only because is really difficult to find the latter ones.
Now I'm going to do lugagge... what for just one night means taking my contact lenses, my diskman and print some fics to read on the car... well, and choose what I'm going to wear on of course.
EDIT=I just made a few cuts in the post because it was damn long... me and my endless babbling...